Drama Drama

The topic of the play "Corpus Christi" has been beaten to death around Tarleton State University's campus. There are a lot of arguments surrounding it: Freedom of Speech, Homosexuality, Religion, and an intriguing combination of all three. I'm sure anyone in the surrounding area of Stephenville has heard about the play, has taken a stance, and pissed a circle around the issues. I won't go into much detail of the play itself other than to say that the Director, John Otte, his cast and crew, and the faculty involved did an absolutely amazing job and I'm honored that I was able to see a their dress rehearsal.  

The issues that concern me the most with the cancelation of not just the Corpus Christi play but the all 4 as well as the Jazz Festival, other than the obvious threats of violence, are the fact that Freedom of Speech was slapped in the face, and the intolerance shown so harshly. There seemed to be four groups in all of the mayhem: 

1. The religious zealots who angrily protested the idea of Christ and his Disciples being portrayed as gay and couldn't see beyond that.
2. The homophobic crowd... 'nough said
3. The "Pro-Play" people, whether it be for its brave stance or simply out of friendship or respect for those involved
4. And the people who may not have agreed with all of the context of the play but were still willing to respect the people involved and their Rights, as well as the Rights of all of those who were interested in viewing the play themselves.

To say that there were simply just these 4 groups would be a complete falsehood and each of us are, more than likely, an odd combination of these examples as well as a dash of completely personal ideals. 

Each of our lives has defined us in completely unique ways. The only person I can speak for is myself. Like I mentioned before, I was able to see the dress rehearsal for the play and I’m truly grateful that I was able to do so. I do not agree that Christ nor his Disciples were gay but instead of getting stuck on that, I was able to see the play for what John was hoping. It’s a piece about love… pure love. It was a very intriguing way to display it but I can’t think of a more powerful statement. To watch people that I see all the time reveal such personal glimpses of themselves was extremely humbling and to say it was moving would be an understatement. Yes they were acting, but watching the play, I couldn’t help but think about how several of them wouldn’t be able to escape the reality that was created on the stage… the line between fantasy and reality was painfully blurred. 

The hardest part of the play for me to witness wasn't the religious aspect of it, rather than hearing and seeing all the hurtful words and actions done against fellow human beings when they were portraying characters other than those of the Disciples. I'm insanely thankful for the life experiences I've gone through in order to make me into a more tolerant and accepting person. It kills me that, I'm apparently, judging from the actions of the citizens in and around Tarleton and Stephenville, capable of such hatefulness. How can a person live like that with such hate burning in them? I can't even be angry with most of them at this point... I just feel sorry that they're counting out so many people they would have the opportunity to get to know and love. 

But to sum up everything, I think Voltaire said it the best: "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."

If we don't have the freedom to discover and share who we are... then what is the point of this craziness we call life?  

What is love? Baby don't hurt me

Something that has been on my mind lately is how often people, including myself, use the word "love"in every day life. I tell my parents, I tell my friends, I've even been known to tell inanimate objects that I love them... I'm weird, get over it. But the issue I've been struggling with is this: By using the "L" word so often, does that lessen the meaning? Or simply make you a more loving person?


The "L" word has gotten me into some pretty sticky situations as far as romantic relationships have gone. I'm horrible about saying "I love you, too" after a certain point in the relationship if the guy says it often and long enough... but simply out of peer pressure! There is only so long you can respond with a smile, a kiss, or something lame like "aww that's so sweet" before they start getting frustrated. I'm not saying that I didn't have feelings for them because I most certainly did. But they were saying and expecting a declaration of romantic love and the one that I would eventually give them was a confession of friendly or familial love. That in and of itself, I don't believe, is a bad thing. The bad part was that I knew they were taking it in a way I didn't mean it... and I let them live in that sugary assumption. 


Even though I do tell a lot of people that I love them.. I still don't take the word and it's meaning lightly. Like with past romantic relationships, the reason I never told them that I loved them in the way they wanted is for the simple fact that LOVE is terrifying for me! I've often worried that I've psyched myself out so much at this point that I wouldn't even recognize the big love even if it were staring me in the face... which is also terrifying. I know I'm not the only one who has dealt with issues like this but humans are very ego centric and we like to delude ourselves into the concept of being the center of universe and the only ones capable of such complex emotions at times. We're all allowed to be that paranoid, self conscious, emo freshman girl sometimes... yes, even you gentlemen out there. 

The killer thing is that I see examples of Love all around me every day. I know my parent's love each other... you should see the way my Dad looks at my Mom when she's not paying attention. Friends are getting engaged, planing on popping that question, moving in together, taking vacations together, planing special nights out together, or simply testing the waters... but all have the hope at reaching that big L. I'm a firm believer that every one is capable of love and being loved... it's just a harder concept to apply to myself. Like I said, I love my family, I love my friends, I love my pets.... I've had hints and possibilities with guys... but either I'm too scared, too jaded, or too cynical when it comes to myself. 

Hopefully I'll be able to gear up for that free fall someday... but for now I'll just enjoy the show.

Cabin Fever

As any of my family members or close friends can probably tell you, I'm a true blue Introvert at heart. When faced with the option of being around a ton of people or being by myself, I'll choose being a hermit hands down. But it's not good for me and, over the years, I've tried to push myself out there more... become more social and more open to the experiences that only other people can offer me. The down side to busting open part of my cozy shell is now, when left to my own devices for too long, I start to get a little stir crazy. And going stir crazy can lead me into several directions... usual that means I'm gonna be a grumpy bum up in my room and pout. And other times, I catch onto unusual whims to where I'm actually, slightly, productive. I've been hashing out a better version of my resume which is a biggie because I NEED TO STOP BEING A LAZY SPOILED BRAT AND GET A REAL JOB!!! 


I also was able to play around with my camera yesterday when the sun was (GASP) actually shinning! I'm a sucky photographer but I still love it. I don't have a great camera and half my pictures aren't focused in the way I want... but it still makes me happy to get out there and take pictures of nature at it's finest... not to mention act like a paparazzi around my friends and take so many pictures of them that their facebook pages are flooded with tags and comments the following day. When I was younger I used to hoard random knick knacks in my room... most of which probably looked like scraps of trash but I could pick them up and tell you the reason behind all of them even years later. I'm slowly getting out of that habit because I really do hate being a pack rat... but then the magic of technology was opened to me and now I can store millions of memories and share them with everyone as well through pictures, videos, songs, and my own ramblings.

 I suppose it goes along with my nature of wanting to remember ever moment... because, as lame as it sounds: 

Every moment is a life changing one.