What is love? Baby don't hurt me

Something that has been on my mind lately is how often people, including myself, use the word "love"in every day life. I tell my parents, I tell my friends, I've even been known to tell inanimate objects that I love them... I'm weird, get over it. But the issue I've been struggling with is this: By using the "L" word so often, does that lessen the meaning? Or simply make you a more loving person?


The "L" word has gotten me into some pretty sticky situations as far as romantic relationships have gone. I'm horrible about saying "I love you, too" after a certain point in the relationship if the guy says it often and long enough... but simply out of peer pressure! There is only so long you can respond with a smile, a kiss, or something lame like "aww that's so sweet" before they start getting frustrated. I'm not saying that I didn't have feelings for them because I most certainly did. But they were saying and expecting a declaration of romantic love and the one that I would eventually give them was a confession of friendly or familial love. That in and of itself, I don't believe, is a bad thing. The bad part was that I knew they were taking it in a way I didn't mean it... and I let them live in that sugary assumption. 


Even though I do tell a lot of people that I love them.. I still don't take the word and it's meaning lightly. Like with past romantic relationships, the reason I never told them that I loved them in the way they wanted is for the simple fact that LOVE is terrifying for me! I've often worried that I've psyched myself out so much at this point that I wouldn't even recognize the big love even if it were staring me in the face... which is also terrifying. I know I'm not the only one who has dealt with issues like this but humans are very ego centric and we like to delude ourselves into the concept of being the center of universe and the only ones capable of such complex emotions at times. We're all allowed to be that paranoid, self conscious, emo freshman girl sometimes... yes, even you gentlemen out there. 

The killer thing is that I see examples of Love all around me every day. I know my parent's love each other... you should see the way my Dad looks at my Mom when she's not paying attention. Friends are getting engaged, planing on popping that question, moving in together, taking vacations together, planing special nights out together, or simply testing the waters... but all have the hope at reaching that big L. I'm a firm believer that every one is capable of love and being loved... it's just a harder concept to apply to myself. Like I said, I love my family, I love my friends, I love my pets.... I've had hints and possibilities with guys... but either I'm too scared, too jaded, or too cynical when it comes to myself. 

Hopefully I'll be able to gear up for that free fall someday... but for now I'll just enjoy the show.